Five Pieces of Sage Advice from One Pregnant Woman to Another

Don’t diet while pregnant. That would be silly. Just cut back on the pasta and bread and sugar.

You need to rest. Put your feet up. Lie down on the couch. And get some exercise. You need to exercise.

Feel free to give birth in whatever way is safest and best for you. It’s your life, your body, and your baby. Just know that if you use pain medication, you will have failed as a mother (and let’s face it, as a person) by the time the baby leaves your body.

Physical side effects cramping your style? Ah, the joys of motherhood, as my aging male OB explained. But these simple rules will have you bouncing forth into the holidays in no time, you cute roly-poly: For your varicose veins, sheath the lower half of your body in thick, tightly woven compression stockings. I assume you know that for that hormone-fed yeast infection that’s beginning to overstay its welcome, you must wear only loose cotton undergarments.

Never take advice about your pregnancy from a stranger. And (free tip for everyone!) follow every instruction a pregnant woman gives you down to the letter.

In sisterhood,

Kristen